Invocation for a temperamental server

(To be said whilst standing over the afflicted machine, with a stout axe in one hand, and the other hand raised in the three-finger salute)

Oh, you poorly configured, obsolete, unmanaged, slow, crippled, sorry excuse for a Turing machine; you fragmentary, pitiful, unreliable, bug-ridden, much abused pile of weasel-droppings; you neglected, unsung, forgotten heap of wires, transistors and rusting machinery:

Hear my cry!

Boot, I beseech thee; and may aeons pass ere your system processes again slow to calcification; may the skies fall before your RAID array again fails; may the stars die before your fans again spin to a stop; and above all else, do so when someone is there to lovingly apply the hard reset, and ensure that someone is not me.